we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
