So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
