I want to walk on stilts...naked
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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