Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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