I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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