he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
