Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
