I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
