And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
