You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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