She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize