I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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