these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize