It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
