my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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