Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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