Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
