walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
