so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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