if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
