It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
