we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
