I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
