is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
