he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
