I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
