STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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