Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
