So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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