Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
