Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
