Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
