Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
