Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
