you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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