he puts the penis in happiness.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
