I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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