i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
