I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
