what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
