someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
