Operation Purity has been aborted
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
