just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
