you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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