there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am naked and annoyed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
