sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize