i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
