trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
