dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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