For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
