Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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