ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just cut my nipple shaving
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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