In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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