oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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