yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
