so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
