hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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