Having a random hookup so left but love u
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
