Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
