I hate your face
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
