If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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