'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
