i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
