it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize