He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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