i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize