have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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