Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
