Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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