fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
