please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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